I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
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