I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
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