There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
