I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
