There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
