I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
