what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
