clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
