I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
she smelled like a LAN party
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Randomize
