His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
