so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
