if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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