Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
