my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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