census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
