2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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