i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
