YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
she smelled like a LAN party
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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