Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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