i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Just invented taco cereal.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
