it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
