i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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