Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
