you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
So much rum. So many feels.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
