dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
