he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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