Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
