I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Mom said you looked used
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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