So drunk its hurt
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
