Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
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