You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
