I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
