C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
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you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
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Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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