i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
