I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
