I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
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