Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
