he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Randomize
