upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
