I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
