A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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