ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Im part way to drunk.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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