He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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