i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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