that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
The air was thick with penises
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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