idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
