Heybabeimwearingurpanties
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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