so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
