Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
