Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
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