WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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