Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
