im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
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