I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
