If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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