you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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