the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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