Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
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