i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
