so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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