i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
