His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
