I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
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