I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
