ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
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Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
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I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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