well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
