oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
you win again, gameday.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
