I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
