we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
