I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
im six kinds of drunk right now
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize