Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
